R.E.S.P.E.C.T (find out what it means to me)

Self-Respect – Self-Confidence and Self-Worth are so important to our personal life.

When you have a low level of these, your tendency to talk to yourself negatively increases dramatically.   Look in the mirror, what kind of person is currently looking back at you.   Write down the feelings/thoughts that come into your head.

Do you have a good support structure?   What I mean is do you have someone that you can go to that will give you the advice you needed.  I knew one person who was supposed to be a leader, a support structure, however when something went wrong and you asked for advice “well that’s never happened to me” was not the support that I was looking for.   Because it had never happened to them they could not offer any meaningful advice to improve the situation next time.

When you go for an interview you are often asked “name a time when you did such n such”.   Sometimes you may not have actually done that particular scenario but you win brownie points if you say “I’ve not done this exactly but if I did then I would do this, this and this.”

So a good support structure would be able to offer advice based on hypothetical scenarios, being able to work through your challenge and help you to improve for next time.

Also when something negative happens do you take a lot of time to recover?  In business you may hear “NO” a lot.   But is it a No or is it a Not Now?   So instead of fearing the No we reward it.   So if we get 20 No’s then we can go and celebrate with a coffee and cake?   Get 50 No’s and we can get a massage.   Basically we are rewarding ourselves for the activity and not focussing on the results.  The results will come but only if we get out there and do the activity.

Wallowing in self pity will not get us the results we are needing.   Do you blame others rather than yourself?   Maybe you know someone like this?  I do, the same situation happens to them time and time again but they cannot comprehend that it is the way they act that is causing the situation.   It is the other people that are to blame not them.   They see they have not done anything to contribute to the situation and because of this the situation continues to happen.    They are in a catch 22 situation.   Many people have highlighted to them that they need to make changes but they need to be willing to accept some of the responsibility which they don’t.

Often blaming others is a defensive manoeuvre for people who are unable to tolerate the possibility that they might be at fault in some way.  Surround yourself with people that will lift you up and remove the negative people from your life (the dream stealers).  Some people you cannot help.  If you cannot remove them, then accept them for what they are and how they act.  It will lead to a more peaceful life.  They are the people who are happy to be where they are.   They may complain all the time and say they are unhappy but they refuse to make any of the changes to improve the situation.

Maybe they want to lose weight but won’t do anything about it, maybe they hate their job, maybe they are in pain but won’t go to the doctors.   Look out for those people who use words like never, always, everyone, no-one or those that focus on the one bad thing rather than the numerous good things that happen to them.  Take the previous G.C.S.E results, I noticed one person post on facebook that they got 6 A’s 3B’s and 1 C, however they were hungup about getting that 1 C which is still a pass.  They were focussed on the 1 “bad” rather than the overall picture of excellent results.

Do you recognise any of these behaviours?  Make the changes now to amend the way that your mind speaks to you.  Focus on the good things that are happening in your life rather than the bad things.

For more information on the mindfulness methods I use give me a call x

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